I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
one might say we're banned from that church
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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