i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
