He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
operation harelip BJ is a go
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
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