well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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