Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
