dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
