Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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