how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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