So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
