Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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