i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
thus making me awesome and them whores
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
