too bad you live with your parents still
He is an equal opportunity slut.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
