When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
