I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
There was a lot of him and a little penis
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
