her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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