Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
So vagazzling was a success
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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