Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
