There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
