believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
