About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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