I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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