I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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