we're chasing vodka with high fives
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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