i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Why is your signature on my underwear?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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