I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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