You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
