I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
