i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
