He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize