Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
