Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
