actually, I'm a sock model
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
