His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
