I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
