So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
