I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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