i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
