You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
