and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Randomize
