In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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