Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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