The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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