I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Drunk is a universal language darling
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
