He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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