if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
