I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
