i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
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The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
40s are totally the cure
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Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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