It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I checked into jail on foursquare
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
