We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
