Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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