Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
