Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
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