Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
