Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
