Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.