is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
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I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
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he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.