The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.