I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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