Texts From Last Night

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  (586): View more from Michigan

  You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot

  (586): View more from Michigan

  That was very cool/italian of you

  (586): View more from Michigan

  Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving

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  (586): You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot (586): That was very cool/italian of you (586): Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving http://tfl.nu/l4rm
  Replies (11) Good night (2039) Bad night (922)
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  (310): View more from California

  Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?

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  (310): Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too? http://tfl.nu/j0i5
  Replies (57) Good night (1348) Bad night (3930)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time

  (972): View more from Texas

  i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"

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  (214): probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time (972): i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!" http://tfl.nu/dprb
  Replies (22) Good night (9765) Bad night (1046)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser

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  (313): you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser http://tfl.nu/1hpm
  Replies (16) Good night (4558) Bad night (945)
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  (530): View more from California

  We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.

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  (530): We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers. http://tfl.nu/jnk6
  Replies (17) Good night (4457) Bad night (1134)
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  (941): View more from Florida

  well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.

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  (941): well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already. http://tfl.nu/vv0a
  Replies (5) Good night (5037) Bad night (937)
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.

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  (705): She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow. http://tfl.nu/x1mn
  Replies (11) Good night (4001) Bad night (866)
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.

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  (765): Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that. http://tfl.nu/51k0
  Replies (20) Good night (1734) Bad night (543)
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  (408): View more from California

  Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.

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  (408): Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked. http://tfl.nu/qje8
  Replies (8) Good night (1163) Bad night (1719)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.

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  (978): If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room. http://tfl.nu/2jpn
  Replies (4) Good night (687) Bad night (744)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.

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  (330): Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild. http://tfl.nu/4xkg
  Replies (3) Good night (1249) Bad night (596)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again

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  (814): My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again http://tfl.nu/inh4
  Replies (3) Good night (633) Bad night (366)
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?

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  (253): Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand? http://tfl.nu/rm7i
  Replies (5) Good night (759) Bad night (339)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball

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  (860): Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball http://tfl.nu/1zhy
  Replies (0) Good night (362) Bad night (461)
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.

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  (864): I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it. http://tfl.nu/yrj2
  Replies (0) Good night (347) Bad night (165)

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