she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed