I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age