Dual....:-)
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
