But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
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let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
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I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.