so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
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