I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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