Heybabeimwearingurpanties
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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