So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
