I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
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Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
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There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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