I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
