They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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